These Are Tears of Joy

Michael

I often cry when making this sandwich. Onions everywhere.

Ingredients

Directions

  1. Preheat oven to 375°F.
  2. Cut the sub loaf in half horizontally and scoop out the top half. This is not strictly necessary, but it makes the sandwich much easier to construct and eat. If you do scoop out the bread, you’d better eat it on its own or find some other use for it, otherwise I’ll come after you.
  3. Lay the cheese out on the bottom half of the loaf. Spread apricot preserves on the top half; don’t make the layer too thick, but the whole surface should be covered.
  4. Assembly, part one: 1) Sprinkle on the scallions, pressing them into the preserves; make sure to get them on the “walls” of the bread (if you scooped it out) and edges. 2) Add the pickled red onions, again making sure to layer on the bottom and walls. 3) Layer in the turkey; there will be enough that you can start squashing the bread to flatten it out without spilling the previous ingredients or making too much of mess. 4) Spread on the roasted onions & sweet peppers; these are pretty mild, so go crazy. 5) Add the fried shallots; marvel at your beautiful creation–but wait, there’s more!
  5. Set both halves of the sandwich on a small baking sheet. Place in the oven and toast for 6-8 minutes. The cheese will start melting into the bread; the roasted onions & peppers and shallots will gain some additional browning.
  6. Remove sheet from oven. Using the flat of a spatula, press down the top half of the sandwich. It won’t stay flat, but it will help with the next step.
  7. Assembly, part two: 1) Drizzle on the smoked French dressing; it shouldn’t overwhelm the sandwich, but there should be some in every bite. 2) Layer on as much lettuce as you’d like. 3) Set the bottom (cheesy) half of the sandwich onto the lettuce.
  8. Flip over, admire, and enjoy!

Let me guess what you’re thinking: “This blog finally posts a recipe for an actual meal, and it’s just a sandwich?” I mean, I do see your point. Although, given that several of the previous recipes were tagged as condiments, I’m not sure you should be so surprised.

Listen, sandwiches are delicious. Sandwiches are also really undervalued, especially by those of us who don’t live in big cities where people walk everywhere and where sandwiches are particularly convenient. That shouldn’t matter, though. If we cut out sandwiches from our “actual meals” repertoire, we lose out on a huge variety of possibilities. It’d be akin to thinking that any meal with pasta in it isn’t an “actual” meal because spaghetti with jarred tomato sauce is so easy to make and it’s what I make when I’m being cheap and lazy. Do I think a peanut butter & jelly sandwich is an artisanal masterpiece? Not unless you’re doing something way cooler than I am. (Do I think this sandwich is an artisanal masterpiece? A little bit, when I’m feeling confident.) The fact that PB&J is classic, easy, and occasionally a staple shouldn’t rule it out its whole family.

This sandwich is my variation on “Don’t Cry For Me Argentina” by Chef Tyler Kord in his book A Super Upsetting Cookbook About Sandwiches (pg 18). As noted elsewhere, I love onions, apparently almost as much as Kord. I also have wussy eyes and am the embodiment of the “someone’s cutting onions around here” meme.

When choosing a jar of preserves, I suggest finding a brand that uses straight sugar (e.g. Bonne Maman) rather than high fructose corn syrup (e.g. Smucker’s). This has nothing to do with healthiness or being anti-fructose. The preserves should provide a subtle hint of sweetness. Preserves that use corn syrup taste too, ya know, syrupy, and it’s noticeable.

This sandwich does not need to be toasted to be enjoyable. If you’re strapped for time, or if you want to pack it as a lunch, or if you just don’t feel like using the oven, the sandwich is still delicious. My key suggestion, though, would be to switch out the Italian sub for regular sandwich slices.

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